Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Guys, please consider the following and remember this piece of wisdom.

    If after a long day, you are tired and looking forward to seeing your woman.

    No matter how beautiful she is.....

    No matter how sexy she is...

    No matter how seductive she is...

    No matter how cute and sweet she is...

    No matter how huge her melons are......................



    Shit, I forgot what I was going to say.

Post Title

Guys, please consider the following and remember this piece of wisdom.


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2009/12/guys-please-consider-following-and.html


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Sven & Olie

    Since my last post was about the change of seasons, hot and cold, and since Joker made the comment that we all talk funny here in the Midwest, this joke could not be more fitting.

    Sven and Ole join an outlaw motorcycle club, and get drunker than skunks. They die in a motorcycle accident and go to Hell.


    The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

    He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?'


    Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of

    snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya

    know.'


    The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the

    heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota ,

    the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and

    drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is

    in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?'


    Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere

    at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis

    nice.'


    The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he

    comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been

    cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell.

    The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging

    everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,

    moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole

    and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats,

    and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming

    like mad men.

    The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat

    you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong

    with you two?'


    They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if

    hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl!

Post Title

Sven & Olie


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/09/sven-olie.html


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One Liner Biker Wit


    Rule of thumb........ When you are working on your motorcycle, and your hands are all full of grease, it is then that your nose will itch, and you'll have to pee.


Post Title

One Liner Biker Wit


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/09/one-liner-biker-wit.html


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biker joke

    God and the Biker
    .
    A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
    .
    'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
    .
    The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. I want you to take a little more time and see if you can think of something that could possibly help all mankind instead.'
    .
    The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know what she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
    .
    The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
    .

Post Title

biker joke


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/09/biker-joke.html


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Biker joke

    Friendship among regular folks:
    .
    A man didn't come home one night.
    The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.
    The woman called his 10 best friends.
    None of them knew anything about it.



    Friendship among Bikers:
    .
    A biker didn't come home one night.
    The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.
    The woman called The biker's 10 best friends.
    Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
    .

Post Title

Biker joke


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/08/biker-joke.html


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Noah's Ark 2008 joke

    In lieu of Friday 7-11-08's post Noah's Ark Animal Welfare Association, Inc.,
    I give you a Noah's Ark Funny, or in this case kinda not so funny!

    NOAH’S ARK 2008


    In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
    who was now living in the United States , and said: 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: 'You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?''Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
    I needed a building permit.
    I've been arguing with the inspector
    about the need for a sprinkler system.
    My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
    Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
    Getting the wood was another problem.
    There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,
    and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
    until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
    The trade unions say I can't use my sons.
    They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
    claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. '
    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
    and a rainbow stretched across the sky.Noah looked up in wonder and asked,'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

    'No,' said the Lord.'The government beat me to it.'

Post Title

Noah's Ark 2008 joke


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/07/noah-ark-2008-joke.html


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One liner biker wit.


    Bikers have more fun than people do!

Post Title

One liner biker wit.


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/07/one-liner-biker-wit.html


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Biker joke (Warning) "mildly explicit"

    Three men, a Doctor, and Lawyer, and Biker were sitting at a bar drinking, and shoting the sh*t.
    They got to talking about what they got their wives for their last anniversaries.

    The doctor took sip of his martini and said I got my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. That way if she didn't like the diamond ring, she would know how much I love her because of the very expensive car I bought her.

    The lawyer took a sip of his scotch and said I got my wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas. That way she would know how much I love her, even if she didn't like the necklace.

    The biker took a big swig of his beer, farted, and burped, and said I got my wife a Harley t-shirt, and a vibrator. That whay if she didn't like the shirt she could go "F" herself.

    Ba-Dum-Bum

Post Title

Biker joke (Warning) "mildly explicit"


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/06/biker-joke-warning-explicit.html


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One liner biker wit



    I'm not easily distrac-





    Hey look a motorcycle!

Post Title

One liner biker wit


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/06/one-liner-biker-wit.html


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A preview into the weekend, and a Friday Funny

    If weather permits, I'll be going on my first biker run of the season. I missed the first big one here this year due to cruddy weather. I will do my best to get some good pictures and post them next week sometime. I don't typically post on the weekends, so untill next week, I give you my Friday Funny.







    I've got a pretty good biker joke that a friend sherry Hoskins from Stormy Custom Bike Works shared with me.


    The gynecologist:

    A gynecologist had become fed up with high cost of malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to find another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to make a major career change and become a Harley mechanic. He found out from the local community college what was involved, signed up for classes and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had scored 150%. He called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there was an error." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You also put the engine back together perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, "I gave you that extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

Post Title

A preview into the weekend, and a Friday Funny


Post URL

http://alldesign-motorcyle.blogspot.com/2008/04/preview-into-weekend-and-friday-funny.html


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