Midlife Motorcycle Madness $25.00 J&P Cycles Gift Card Contest

Midlife Motorcycle Madness has teamed up with J&P Cycles to bring it's readers a $25.00 Gift Card Contest.

Caption this photo and get a chance to win a $25.00 Gift Card from J&P Cycles:






Contest time frame: June 1-8, 2011

Prizes: J&P Cycles will provide a $25 gift card for the winner.

Contest Rules and Regulations:

Contestants enter to win by leaving a comment captioning the provided photo and then stating what they will buy to upgrade their bike with using the $25.00 gift card. You may make the comment as short or as long as needed. All entries will be judged by me on humor, wittiness and creativity. After the contest ends I will read and judge all entries and post the winner. The winner can email me their contact information to provide to J&P Cycles. J&P Cycles will issue the $25.00 Gift Card to the Winner.

Remember, it is a two part entry comment, the photo caption and what the $25.00 gift card will be used for.

Be sure & support our sponsor by shopping at J&P Cycles:

J&P Cycles

Harley Parts

Ride on & Good Luck!
Torch

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Happy Thanksgiving 2010 !

Everyone have a safe & happy Turkey Day!
Ride on,
Torch

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Happy Thanksgiving 2010 !

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Atlas Rider is Heading to South America

 
Atlas Rider is Heading to South America


A fellow Blogger and Rider, Bill Dwyer from Atlas Rider, is preparing to head out on a trek by motorcycle through and around South America. Bill will be video-documenting his trip on YouTube. All the details can be found below in Bills official press release:


Contact: Bill Dwyer
Tel: 708-280-9115
Email: dwyer.bill@gmail.com
Website: http://www.atlasrider.com/


TRAVELING OFF THE GRID, ON YOUTUBE

A motorcycle journey through Latin America documented on YouTube



On August 15th Bill Dwyer sets off for an eight month trip that takes him from America to Argentina, spanning over 20 countries and 25,000 miles. Without a cellphone, and infrequent internet access he will no longer always be "connected" or "on the grid." He travels alone, but brings along a virtual audience for the ride through documenting his journey on YouTube.

As a software developer, Bill grew weary of his corporate job. He sold most of his belongings and traded his cubical for the open road. Food, gas and shelter will be his only concerns. No more timelines to follow or deadlines to meet, only serendipity creates the destiny of his road map.



Perceptions of Mexico and Latin American countries as a seething breeding ground of violence have been widespread. Bill believes that people and the world around us are not as dangerous as we sometimes are lead to believe. The success of his journey should prove to be a reminder that among a seemingly hostile world there is still some good out there.

Bill is an avid adventure motorcyclist and blogger for 3 years. He has built up an audience from all walks of life and continues to entertain, educate and inspire them to take the plunge and seek out adventures of their own.


View Larger Map

Here is the link where Bill made his blog announcement: http://www.atlasrider.com/?p=1234

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If you would like more information about Bill Dwyer's journey you can visit http://www.atlasrider.com/, or to schedule an interview with him, he can be contacted at 708-280-9115 or by email at dwyer.bill@gmail.com.

So, go visit Atlas Rider and get signed up to follow along on his journey. Bill is on all the social medias so hook up with him and tell him Torch sent ya!

Ride on,
Torch

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Turns out I’m Just a Poser

Turns out I’m Just a Poser....


Ran across this chart on the internet, and I came to the realization that I’m not a 1%’er, a Biker, a Chopper Rider, or a Motorcyclist, I’m Just a “Poser”.

The Urban Dictionary describes Posers as:

“A poser is someone who tries to fit into a profile they aren't. People who try to give off the impression that they are one thing when they are really another.

Also, a poser can be one who says they can do something that they can't….”

Here are the reasons why I’m just a “Poser”:

1. I don’t ride a Chopper I ride a Cruiser.

2. I don’t ride a Harley Davidson; I ride a Yamaha V-Star 1100 Classic.

3. I wear a helmet, (a half helmet anyway).

4. I occasionally wear a Dew Rag my daughter gave me as a gift, or the ones my mother-in-law picked up for me to keep my hair in line and sweat out of my eyes while I ride.

5. My cell phone is a Palm Treo running MS Windows Mobile.

6. I wear my inexpensive Timex Ironman watch on my commute to and from work.

7. I wear an oversized FMC Leather Jacket when the weather warrants it and an OSI Cool Mesh Jacket in summer.

8. I don’t carry a check book and my wallet is usually empty.

9. I tend to shy away from designer clothes, but I love my black Guinness T-Shirt.

10. I don’t currently own a biker wallet but I am looking for one that I could take the chain on and off for when I’m at work.

11. My bike is not a Garage Queen, but only gets ridden at least five days a week and is usually parked out in the elements all day at work.

12. I have to ride to work in dress slacks and other times I like my black Wranglers.

13. I wear oversized Street & Steel Leather Chaps when the weather warrants.

14. I wear my Harley, or my Bates boots to ride in.

15. I work on my own bike.

16. I wear Oakley Sunglasses my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas many years ago or some inexpensive clear motorcycle glasses at night.

17. I have a Guardian Angel Bell hanging off the bottom of my motorcycle that my daughter gave me.

18. I enjoy reading about motorcycling.

19. I like motorcycle racing.

20. I publish a blog about motorcycles and motorcycling.

21. I tweet about motorcycling, Torch762.

22. I don’t belong to a Motorcycle Club.

23. I like other folks that ride other brands and classes of two wheeled transportation.

24. I have not been riding since birth.


So, despite that I ride more days than not, and even in the rain, (they think I’m crazy at work), I am just a “Poser” after all. I think I’ll keep on riding, enjoying the experience, and just be myself.


Ride on,
Torch

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Tips for Riding in Dallas, Texas

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Tips for Riding in Dallas, Texas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that; we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ...

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ...

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman ...

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph, anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have un-posted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.
If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas

Ride on,
Torch

Note: I shamelessly stole this off an email, finding it so funny and true. Plus, the fact that I commute daily here, I just had to pass it on.

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What to Do When You Can’t Ride?

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What to Do When You Can’t Ride?

There are a lot of reasons why you may not be able to go riding on your motorcycle. A few things that may stand in your way are, work, health, financial, weather, equipment, and To-Do Lists. Of course, none of them are good reasons not to ride. Here is a short list of suggestions of things that you can do that are motorcycle related when you cannot get out on the open road:

Wash your bike

Catch up on your biker forum dejour

Perform routine maintenance on your bike

Go shopping for motorcycle equipment or paraphernalia

Read a good book about motorcycling

Read some good motorcycle blogs

Watch motorcycle shows on TV, the Internet, or DVD

Catch up on the latest motorcycle news

Perform modifications on your ride

Check in on your Twitter friends

Install accessories on your bike

Join a motorcycle organization

Read a good motorcycle magazine

Browse or buy some motorcycle art

Plan your next trip or long ride

Go shopping for more motorcycle accessories

If you are a blogger, update your blog


You get the idea. Now I’ve got to get to work on my new header….

Ride on,
Torch

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Look In the Direction You Are Traveling...

Even If it’s Backing Up!

No, this is not an article about Target Fixation.

So far I have helped teach four of my teenagers how to drive an automobile, and only have two more to go. I do have some hair left, but it is rapidly graying. One of the first things I try to drill in their impenetrable, all knowing heads, is to always look where you are going, especially when backing up. They always seem to have a problem with watching where they are going when backing up.

The main problem is not that they don’t initially look behind them before backing, its continuing to look while they are backing. They tend to turn back around while they are still moving backwards, instead of waiting until the vehicle has come to complete stop. And, as you know, all kinds of things can pop up behind you when backing up.

What does all of this have to do with motorcycling? Well, the same principle applies with motorcycles. You need to look in the direction you are traveling at all times, even if it is while backing up. Too bad I don’t always follow my own advice…

After commuting home from work one day I found my ’98 Ford Explorer parked fairly close to the garage door. We try to keep it parked back down the driveway so I can ride around the left side on the grass to get the bike around it and into the garage. I’m sure one of my kids did it. Anyway, I decided to be lazy and get the bike inside anyway.

I pulled around the left side into the yard and this time I pulled passed the explorer and further to the left. I was going to back into the space in front of the Explorer and down into the space in front of my ’01 Windstar, which was parked further down the driveway, and then pull into the garage. I turned the front wheel to the right, glanced behind me and started backing the V-Star 1100 back and to the right. Unfortunately, I was not looking behind me as I was rolling backwards.

In my own defense there is also a small tree to the left of the driveway I had to watch out for. Well, I was slowly rolling backwards, I thought, into the driveway when I heard and felt the crunch. I think I even heard my Mistress, (my 2003 V-Star 1100), yell, “Ouch, you moron, watch where you are going!” The bike had stopped moving and I turned around to see the left rear turn signal stalk had ran into the Explorer’s bumper and had bent the stalk forwards slightly.

After dismounting and inspecting closer the turn signal had bent at an assembly joint and the Star Turn Signal Visor was dented down. I loosened the bolt and straightened the turn signal stalk. Then I just used pliers to bend the visor back into shape as best I could. I was thankful that was all my carelessness caused. Mistress said, “Be more careful and never let it happen again”. I sighed, “Yes, Ma’am!”

What is the moral of the story? Practice what you preach, and look in the direction you are traveling at all times.

Ride on,
Torch

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Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

Disclaimer: Forgive me in advance for offending someone. That is definately not my intention. I’m only posting this because of the humor involved. I, in no way, wish to offend any of our women motorcyclists or women in general. I have just barrowed bits of this from various other sites and edited it to fit motorcycling. I am sure one of our female riding bloggers will come up with a list of their own of why motorcycles are better then men.



Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women


A motorcycle does not care if you are politically correct or not.
A motorcycle doesn’t complain about being tied up.
A motorcycle doesn't care when you come.
A motorcycle doesn't get jealous when you ride another motorcycle.
A motorcycle doesn't mind being parked in the ""wet spot"" that it left.
A motorcycle goes good with leather.
A motorcycle is always ready to leave on time.
A motorcycle is never late.
A motorcycle never fishes for compliments.
A motorcycle will let you have your way with it.
A motorcycle won't complain about leaving the toilet seat up.
A motorcycle won't get upset if you come home with alcohol on your breath.
A motorcycle won't make you eat some experimental meal.
A motorcycle won't make you go to church.
A motorcycle won't make you sleep on the couch.
After you have ridden a motorcycle, you're committed to nothing.
If a motorcycle leaks all over the garage, it smells kind of good.
If you change Motorcycles, you don't have to pay alimony.
If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don’t have to apologize before you can ride it again.
If you twist your throttle hard enough, you will always get ahead.
If your Motorcycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics to correct it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
It’s always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
Motorcycle labels come off without a fight.
Motorcycle labels don't go out of style every year.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
Motorcycles always look the same in the morning.
Motorcycles always sound pleasant.
Motorcycles are always easy to pick up.
Motorcycles are easy to dress up.
Motorcycles are easy to get on.
Motorcycles are fun to ride in a group.
Motorcycles are never overweight.
Motorcycles can’t change its mind.
Motorcycles don’t care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
Motorcycles don’t care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
Motorcycles don’t care if you are late.
Motorcycles don’t demand equality.
Motorcycles don’t get cold hands/feet.
Motorcycles don’t get jealous if you come home with grease under your fingernails.
Motorcycles don’t get pregnant.
Motorcycles don’t have parents.
Motorcycles don’t insult you if you are a bad rider.
Motorcycles don’t mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
Motorcycles don’t remember.
Motorcycles don’t snore.
Motorcycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
Motorcycles won't blow you off.
Motorcycles don't care if you have no culture or manners.
Motorcycles don't complain about insensitivity.
Motorcycles don't complain about the way you drive.
Motorcycles don't demand legality.
Motorcycles don't get bad breath.
Motorcycles don't get cramps.
Motorcycles don't go crazy once a month.
Motorcycles don't have a lawyer.
Motorcycles don't have a mother.
Motorcycles don't have morals.
Motorcycles don't live with its mother.
Motorcycles don't look you up in a month.
Motorcycles don't make you go shopping.
Motorcycles don't mind football season.
Motorcycles don't mind getting dirty.
Motorcycles don't mind if you fart or belch.
Motorcycles don't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
Motorcycles don't need much closet space.
Motorcycles don't need to go to the 'powder room'.
Motorcycles don't pout or play games.
Motorcycles don't tease you or play hard to get.
Motorcycles don't tell you to mow the grass.
Motorcycles don't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
Motorcycles don't use up your toilet paper.
Motorcycles don't wear a bra.
Motorcycles don't worry about someone walking in.
Motorcycles don't worry about waking the kids.
Motorcycles go down the road easy.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles never argue with you.
Motorcycles never ask for the remote.
Motorcycles never ask if an accessory makes it look fat.
Motorcycles never change the station.
Motorcycles never complain when you don’t stop and ask for directions.
Motorcycles never complain when you take it somewhere.
Motorcycles never have a headache.
Motorcycles never say no.
Motorcycles never talk back.
Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles won't run off with your credit cards.
Motorcycles’ curves never sag.
No matter how many times you ride it, the motorcycle is still worth something.
Oil stains wash out.
One gets in no trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.
Road rash heals.
When motorcycles get old you trade it out.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
When you go shopping, you know you can always pick up a motorcycle.
When your motorcycle is gone, you just get another.
With the odometer on zero, you always know that you are the first one to ride a motorcycle.
You can always talk to your motorcycle.
You can choke your motorcycle.
You can dress warmly and still ride a frigid motorcycle.
You can enjoy a motorcycle all month.
You can have more than one motorcycle.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can legally rent a motorcycle.
You can ride a motorcycle all night.
You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.
You can ride a motorcycle in public.
You can ride more than one motorcycle a night and not feel guilty.
You can share a motorcycle with your friends.
You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
You can upgrade your motorcycle at any time.
You can't catch anything but “euphoria” from a motorcycle.
You don’t have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
You don’t have to convince your Motorcycle that you’re a motorcyclist and that you think that all Motorcycles are equals.
You don’t have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
You don’t have to pay child support to an ex-motorcycle.
You don’t have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
You don’t have to talk to your motorcycle after you ride it.
You don't have to wash a motorcycle before it looks good.
You don't have to wine and dine a motorcycle.
You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is worn.
You rarely (if ever) find motorcycle labels on the shower curtain rod.
Your Motorcycle doesn’t care what you’re wearing when you take it out.
Your motorcycle doesn’t get mad when you ignore it for a month or so.
Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
Your motorcycle will always wait patiently for you in the garage.
Your motorcycle won’t leave you for another rider.
Your motorcycle won’t wake you up at 2:00 AM and ask you if you love it.
Your parents don’t remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.

Ride on,
Torch

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Midlife Motorcycle Madness Definition

Midlife Motorcycle Madness


mid·life mo·tor·cy·cle mad·ness (mid'lif' mo'ter-si'kel mad'nis)


n. 1.The quality or condition of being middle-aged and insane about motorcycles.
2.An excessively intense enthusiasm for, interest in, or desire of; a motorcycle.
3.Psychiatry: A manifestation of midlife motorcycle mania disorder, characterized by profuse motorcycle riding and rapidly changing and or hoarding of accessories.
4.Enthusiasm or intense excitement for all things relating to motorcycles or riding.
5.Crazy about motorcycles; Motorcycle Addiction


M.M.M.: An abnormally elevated motorcycle state of awareness characterized by such symptoms as inappropriate chrome drooling, increased riding times, severe insomnia and/or sleeping with a motorcycle, grandiose notions of anything two wheel related, increased speeding and/or volume of accessories, disconnected by long trips, racing motorcycles, fear of cages, increased motorcycle desires, markedly increased energy and activity of bike cleaning level, poor judgment, and inappropriate social behavior.


A severe form of M.M.M that may require hospitalization is termed hypermotodysfuntion. M.M.M also features symptoms of depression ("agitated depression") when not riding. Sufferers may also exhibit severe concerns or inadequacy issues over horsepower, chrome, leather, cubic inches, and torque. Victims of M.M.M may also spend too much time surfing the Internet reading forums, articles and reviews of motorcycles.


See also: Two-Wheelpolar disorder, Hypermotodysfuntion, Motorcycle mania.

Midlife Motorcycle Madness® Dictionary of the Motorcycle Language & Dysfunctions, First Edition
Copyright © 2009 by John Ashford "Torch"
Published by Midlife Motorcycle Madness. All rights reserved.
Cite This Source


Ride on,
Torch

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